These short dialogs with God happened during my 15 days fasting, on the second week of fast in the early hours around 4 am…
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– God, you know my situation… I am talking to you all the time and no help is coming… why? I understand the problem is within me, but couldn’t you point me to a right direction? By any means, where is your guidance?
– So you want me to tell you what to do, and then you are good to follow, right?
– OK I understand that would be like a robot following a good program… But still couldn’t you at least let me know what is wrong with me so that I could change myself and then fix my problem…
… communication was over… beep … beep … beep…
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In the early hours I woke up from the thought already placed in me…
– You are whining too much… Enough complaints… just go on living your life…
– God, please listen this time. What is a good from all my learning about you and about my self-development if I still unfulfilled and problems are piling up? I feel that really much of understanding and knowledge does not bring happiness… Sometimes I feel that I was doing even better years back when I knew nothing about You, just like most people, I lived lifestyle mimicking most people, yet I felt more satisfied (even though in a very primitive and limited ways). May be I am wrong advising this, but, what good did all these learning bring to me?
– OK, so you are telling me that it would be better for you to get THAT satisfaction even though at expense of loosing all this knowledge that you got by now? If you are sincere in asking me this, I can arrange…
… this time I cut off the ongoing conversation… got scared to continue… instead jumped from the bed to clear out my mind…
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